Now before I write this - a reminder...this is my shake can. I use it to work out things that I am walking through and facing or ideas that are just bumbling around in my head and need to be put to rest. You may not agree...you may not even like it...but this is not about or aimed at anyone else.
Okay - that being said...
I had a revelation last night during service - an uncomfortable one - but one I know is true.
I realized that so many of the major decisions in my life were made due to fear.
Fear of rejection...
Fear of poverty...
Fear of change...
Fear of people...
Fear of fear...
How many times have I postponed a decision and then hid in indecision? How many blessings have I missed by not stepping forward when I knew the Holy Spirit was prompting me?
Now - this is not about me planting the huge "finger V" on my forehead (for those going huh - Victim). But I have been. It has been easy to point to "generational curses", circumstances beyond my control, the economy, the weather, my birth order, my sex, my size, the style of my hair...you get the general idea. As a victim I have pointed my finger at everything there is so that I can safely hide in indecision because I was too afraid of making a decision.
ENOUGH!
I WANT CHANGE! I want God controlled, God ordained CHANGE. I am no longer content to passively wait for the elusive something to happen so that I can say, "Well, I tried> I guess I will just have to wait on God."
I look in His Word and I see where Jesus gave the command and the person who received the blessing had to choose obedience in order to receive it.
Come follow Me...
Get up and walk...
Your faith has saved you, go in peace...
Return to your own house and tell what great things God has done for you...
Little girl, arise...
Lazarus, come forth...
He has already called me and calls me his own. He has set me free from the penalty of my sin and helps me from being overpowered by my leanings to continue to sin. I know that someday I will be forever away from the presence of sin. That in itself is great. But He has also promised me an abundant life full of joy and peace. I have had and tasted glimpses of that... touched it in the midst of worship or when I step into pray for someone else...but has seemed to be elusive when it came to me. I now realize why.
I was afraid.
With Holy Spirit revelation and my acknowledgment comes freedom.
With Jesus, it is completed. I am set free.
Jesus, thank you that I am your child with the full privileges of one born in your house. Thank you for pointing out the dark places in my heart and soul that prevent me from fully partaking in all of your blessings. I know that that aside from You, I can do nothing, but that with You, all things are possible. Thank you for removing the fear that has gripped me for so long and release me to serve you fully and freely. Amen
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
Isaiah 61:1
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