Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Chocolate Milk Fear
Have you ever had a fear that you would consider unreasonable? You know the kind I'm talking about - spiders, snakes, heights - that kind of fear. The kind that petrifies you when you are faced with it; the spider crawling across the floor, a snake in a pet store - you know what I mean.
I know that for many people, this kind of fear is irritating at the least and life interrupting at the most. I have never had to face the terror of snakes or spiders or heights - they just do not do anything to me. I have four brothers and a daredevil personality. Nothing...nada! I am A-OK with these things.
What I did have was a living fear. When I say that, it does not mean that I was afraid of life. Actually, it was the exact opposite. I was afraid of death, and more specifically, afraid of dying of colon cancer. And the living fear part - it just means that I had accepted this fear as a normal part of living...that this niggling feeling with thoughts and emotions attached...was normal. As normal as having chocolate milk in the fridge.
I never addressed it, or went forward for prayer for it or even talked about it with my husband. It was just one of those private things that popped in and out of my head and would sometimes keep me awake at night with a little bit of worry but not enough to ask for help - or so I thought.
Last night, I clearly felt God nudge me with this question, "What are you going to do about this fear of colon cancer?" My first response of course was, "What fear? I'm not afraid!" ...and then I realized that yes I was, and not only that, but I was terrified of getting colon cancer and dying. I realized that I was constantly watching for "signs" and dreading finding out the truth (I have canceled 2 colonoscopy appointments).
The hows and whys of this are not important. The important thing is that God, the Creator of the universe, loves me enough to stop me and point out something in me that He can take care of. I went to my husband and talked to him about this fear and he prayed for me. God took the fear away. Amazing, wonderful, freedom.
God wants and promises that we can have an abundant life - and fear robs us of that. If there is something that you fear but you figure is as normal to have as "chocolate milk in the fridge", maybe it isn't normal. Just maybe, God has a different plan for you.
As for me, now that I have acknowledged this fear to God, I know it will be gone for good. I also know that with my husband knowing, he will hold me accountable and pray for me. Praise God for His faithfulness.
Father, thank You that Your plans for our life are so much more than we can even imagine, and that those plans include having a life apart from fear. Thank you for removing the fear I had and instead replacing it with peace. In Jesus name, Amen!