Fishing

I remember fishing as a kid. My brother and I would go get our bait - either worms from the garden, minnows from the pond, grasshoppers from the field, or cheese from mom's fridge. We would get our rods and reels ready, make sure our little tackle boxes were ready to go, pack a snack and a jar of water, and walk across the field to the pond behind our house we lived in. I was in second grade and my brother was in first.

The getting ready was only half the fun. Laying the line out just perfect in the middle of the pond and hope that the last storm had not moved the underwater log. The leisure of sitting in the shade on the side of a pond just waiting for a fish to take an interest in my hook. Watching every bob of the bobber, playing the line ever so carefully to invite nibbles that lead to bites, patiently waiting for the pull of a "bite" that you could feel with your hand on the line. Jerking back your rod to sink the hook and then the "fight" of pulling in a fish that you knew would be dinner tonight. Nodding my head at my brother - the competition now on to see who could bag the most and get the honor of bragging rights for the best that day.

Then, after several fish are on the line, snack time. If the wild plums or grapes were ripe  - on the walk to the pond we would pick some to go with the bologna sandwich in the bag. Some swallows of water and it was back to fishing. Need to wash our hands...no worries: the back of our pants was sure to have a clean spot.

I look at my life now and long for the simplicity and innocence of that time. No place to be in a hurry, no prize in sight, patience a virtue, and needs were simple. Fears of germs non-existent, concern about sweat and grime not a problem, competition was honest and for a good cause.

I know the whole story behind that glimpse of the past. The fish were a Need - they truly were supper. My brother and I both had fears, they just were not at the pond or in any of the fields we hiked through. Home was filled with hurry and heart aches - the shade of the trees were a refuge from more than just the sun. We were two little ones who played a part in a much bigger drama that consumed our lives.

I look back now to get a glimpse of how did I deal with the pressure of that time? How did I have the patience to wait for the next fish? What can I learn now to deal with my hurried world that I live in today.

Maybe, it's time to go fishing again.

Walking Looking Up

As a kid, I used to love playing neighborhood hide-and-seek right before night fall. We would define where we could hide and what was out of limits and then 15-20 of us neighborhood kids would take off running to find the perfect spot. My favorite place to hide was way up in a butterfly bush, except of course in the summer when it was full of bees and not butterflies. From that vantage spot, I could watch everyone scurrying around as whoever was "It" would search in each bush and behind fences. I very seldom was "It" - I usually was not found.

Here lately, I feel like I have been tagged and am now "It". So many things have been brushing around the periphery of my life and I feel like the kids I watched from my vantage point - trying to catch the next "It" but brushing instead the air where they just were.

As many of my close friends know, I have been having some health challenges. For years, I have been having stomach problems and have worried over some symptoms - namely, bleeding. At Easter, I had a very bad "bunch" of symptoms that left me exhausted and mentally and emotionally reeling. Went to go see the Dr. and that brings us to here. Testing has begun to check and see what is going on. Old fears come creeping back in and are faced with every test.

Lately, I have not had any symptoms. Occasional rumbly tummy, but not any bleeding. I caught on to that and held the evidence of the lack of one symptom as proof of God's healing. The edges of fear would sometimes creep in, but as long as I "hid" from any questions or concerns, they were held at bay. Last night, I started bleeding again. I could feel faith starting to crumble as I faced fear once again.

This morning in church as I stood praising God, I came face to face with Him. My heart was achy. Beyond all else, I sang knowing this - He is good no matter what. An alter call to the front for healing and restoration came forth and I was out of my seat. The prayer was simply, "restore Terri, heal her mind so that she can hear from You."

As I went back to my seat, tears streaming down my cheeks, I once again raised my hands to God and thanked Him. As I stood, the memory of blood on white paper tore at my heart and I felt me moving away from the peace I had just held.

Then I remembered the story of the Israelite army facing an army bigger than what they could even survive and the admonition from God's prophet, Elisha - "Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." (2 Kings 6:16). The words, "do not walk by sight but by faith" resonated in my spirit. There is more going on than what I can see and I should not rely on my senses to discern God's work.

I was willing to let the evidence of one thing undermine what God is doing in my life. It is hard to walk by Faith. I am so used to living a "seeing is believing" lifestyle that it is hard to fathom anything else. I want to see the army of God camped around me, to see Jesus in the empty tomb, to hear God's whisper in the midst of the storm. The world we live in wants to tear at the fabric of faith and do something about it in our strength. That is not my calling.

This I know, God is good. Whether I have cancer (there, I said it), or some other ailment, God is good. He loves me. I know that worrying about results and test will not make me better faster or even ever. Saying, "me do it", will not make anything happen. My heavenly Father stands with open arms and says, "give it to me, keep your eyes on me, think on me and nothing else." Walk by Faith, not by sight.

Sausage Ain't My Life

The other day I spotted a billboard on Interstate 10 near the TC Jester exit. The words on it were not shocking or hilarious or offensive. They were advertising sausage created by a former Houston Oilers football player. The advertisement simply said, "Sausage is my life!"

I shook my head as I contemplated a life surrounding sausage of all things. Can you imagine getting to the end of your days and saying, "I lived for sausage". What a narrow life in deed. I chuckled to myself as I patted me on the back at avoiding THAT kind of passion.

Then this question came into my mind, "What are some things you have placed in your life as first?" Conviction came on and now required a response.

I realized that at times in my life, I too had stated a passion for this or a life long pursuit of that. I have pursued a career, raising children, my husband. Sometimes, the very things I pursued got in the way of people I love, relationships with friends. All are good things but not the one item set before me as the BEST thing. Pursuing Jesus and the better life He has for me.

There are many verses that come to mind at this time I could illustrate quite vividly my wrong choices. The thing is I know what I am supposed to do and find myself so many times veering off in a direction opposite of where I needed to go and walking after my wants instead. I then come to a point and am convicted and redirect on a path pursuing my heavenly Father.

Thankfully there is grace, and abundant yet.

Proverbs 14:12 eloquently states the results of our choices: There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. The solution is found in Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

So the truth of the matter is this: pursuing God with a passion of loving Him beyond all else will put everything else into its proper place. Your spouse, your children, your career, your friends...maybe even a pursuit to create the perfect sausage (said with tongue in cheek).

Applying this to me. It is a DAILY pursuit. I keep having to remind myself of that and extend personal grace to me when I fail. Daily I choose to pursue my Savior my King. Daily I have to lay down the things that I have a tendency to want to lift up. Daily I have to realize that only through Jesus can I have the strength to do this.

My prayer is simply this, "Jesus You are King. Let my life be a reflection of You so that You get the glory." Amen

Move Me!

I have had this thought running around in my head for the last couple of days - "When you are uncomfortable, MOVE!"

No, I am not considering moving across any state lines or even across the street. This has nothing to do with furniture placement, where my church membership is or even where I work or volunteer. It has to do with the way I think.

As I was chewing on this, a couple of examples came to mind. When I am hot, I move to get cool. When I am cold, I move to get warm. If my muscles ache, I move body positions. Very simple.

The question that then confronts me is when I am in a place spiritually that is uncomfortable, why is it so hard to move? I have been in situations before where conviction by the Holy Spirit was thumping away at my heart and I did nothing - hmmmm, let's call that one rebellion. I have been in other places where I know that healing was just a prayer away yet did nothing - lack of faith and fear?? Or when I know that God is calling me to step forward, not saying do this or that, just step forward and be counted and I hold back because I am afraid of what the cost will be.

With that very transparent look, I know that I can definitely identify with Jonah. He knew that God was calling him to go to the very people he could not stand; he chose to go on a cruise instead. God got the attention of everyone around him by causing a big storm to rock the boat while he napped. They, his shipmates, figured out he was the stinker and reason for their discomfort. Jonah, probably looking at their faces and considering his options, chose to step off the ship before port call and found another way back to shore in the belly of a fish. Since I really do not like the smell of fish I do not want his consequences. I also do not want those around me who are on this life journey with me to be found in the midst of a storm while I choose to sleep in disobedience.

So my response - "Move Me Lord!"

Move me past myself. Change me to be more like Christ. Let me step forward, with boldness and obediently run the race that has been placed before me on feet He has anointed and hands that have been set aside for His use.

I know that circumstances are going to change around me. I know that there are storms ahead and there are victories ahead - God is with me in both.

My hand is raised up and I am saying, "Lord, I want to be counted as faithful. Here I am - use me. I am ready"

When We Don't All Roll

Yesterday one of the young moms in our church came in pushing her baby stroller. I could tell she was having a hard time so held the door open so she could get it in. Exasperated, she exclaimed she could not get the thing to roll right. I looked at the front two wheels to see if either of them were locked. She examined the back two and found that one was locked tight. She reached down, unlocked it and the stroller was instantly fixed.

As we were leaving the room, the example of this incident brought up a spiritual truth:

If even one person in a married couple has their "brakes on", neither of them are going to move anywhere easily.

I'm still letting that stew around and the revelations and awareness of God's work in mine and my husband's lives and the impact of a life with brakes on is convicting. I know God is working in us and now both of us are making sure that our brakes are open and ready to roll.

Lord, let Doug and I walk together with You. I know at times past we have tried to stand still when that was not Your will. I know that at times I have tried to speed faster that You would have us walk and that also is not Your will. Show us together how to walk together, completely instep with You. Amen

Just Saying...

Today as I walked into an office, I overheard a conversation where one person mentioned, "God is good!" and the reply, automatically droned, was "All the time." Tonight, as I was speaking to a man, I said, "God is so good" and without missing a beat he said, "All the time."

My point is not that people over use this expression - my concern is that we have stopped thinking about what it means. I wonder how many times we respond automatically to words just because we know the response. Let's experiment:

"God is good..."

"I am blessed..."

"He is risen..."

There is nothing wrong with the words - what is wrong is the disconnect that we have in our hearts when we just respond without thinking of what it is we are saying.

Many years ago I was riding with a friend. She had her car radio tuned to a local station that played the newest pop sensations. As we were driving along, a tune I heard played quite often came on and we started singing. I stopped when I realized what the song was actually about. I sat there stunned as I realized that the words of the song were describing what I would never watch on TV. My friend noticed I had stopped and asked me what was up. I looked at her and said, "I just listened to the words...I cannot sing that song ever again." She turned up the radio and started listening. She reached over and turned the radio off.

These two things are completely opposite of one another but really pin point something we need to be aware of - if there is a disconnect between your mouth and your brain and your heart, be careful with the auto-responses. Do you hear me on that?

I know that God is working on me and I really do want to whole heartedly mean, "All the time!" when I respond. The same way with my walk and prayer life - I don't want to be on auto pilot and miss out on an awesome, ever growing, relationship with the ONE who deserves my full attention.

Ok Lord, Here I am. I will be connected to the life giving words You give me to share with others. No more auto-responses.

The True View

I was taking my son Daniel to work the other morning. Our normal route is to drive east on Interstate 10 and we are usually on the road around 7 am. Now if you are familiar with Houston roads and especially east bound roads, the view of the sun rise is phenomenal...until the sun comes and "sits" on the road, then it is absolutely blinding.

This particular morning, God revealed something to me.

As I am trying to adjust my visor to strategically block the sun's rays without blocking my view - I noticed something. As the sun shined brightly through our windshield, the windshield that I thought was clean was actually filthy. There were water spots from our sprinklers, smudges from fingerprints, streaks from our attempts to clean the inside of the windshield, and chips and dings from the rocks that had hit our windshield in our travels. The bright sunshine showed me all the flaws in what I thought was good.

God's Son, Jesus, does the same thing in our lives. He is the Sonshine - the light - that shines and shows all of our imperfections. When His light shines in our lives we see the filth and dirt from our sin choices, the scars from our travels through life, the smudges of other peoples touches on our hearts and minds, the streaks that we create when we try to do things ourselves and instead make it worse. Unlike the sun who can do nothing about the condition of our windshield, the SON says in regards to our life, ""I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"

Going home and heading west, I thought I would be free of the glare on my windshield. Instead, the brightness of the new morning sun shined through my rear window and reflected off my rear view mirror. As I adjusted the mirror, I noticed once again that the sun had shown me all the imperfections on my rear windows.

I know that there have been times that when the Holy Spirit convicted me of things that needed correcting right now I have responded by running the other direction. No matter which way I am facing, His light will always show me those things in my life which are not like Him and that need to be cleansed with His love and forgiveness.

I am learning to not flinch when God shows me things that need to be corrected in me: attitudes, unforgiveness, fear, untruth, rebellion...all of these things can very quickly pop up and grow if I am not sensitive to His leading.

Recently, I found myself angry at a particular person (no, it was not you...). As I drove down the road, conversations with this person would start in my head. They would just creep in and the next thing I knew, I am mad. The Holy Spirit would come and convict me of having "vain" imaginations and out would start the scripture on my lips, praying for this person and crying out to God. Twenty miles would go by and a random thought would start me all over again. By the time home was within sight, I was exhausted but victorious. God's light had shown me what was not good and then showed me how to clean it up - over and over again.

Be encouraged. The next time the Son shines in your life, let Him show you what needs to be cleaned and then let Him do it. Victory is yours.

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! Hebrews 9:14

Jesus, thank You that you did not come to condemn but to set us free. Thank You that you are so patient and love us even when we turn and run. Help me to respond quicker to You that I may proclaim Victory in Your name. amen