Three Little Words

Transparency is not easy. It really isn't. Letting others see "the stuff" in your life that you would prefer to remain hidden is risky. It's humbling. I know it makes my heart beat a little faster...and on top of that, there's the risk of being judged by peers...by brothers and sisters in Christ, and by those who don't follow Christ.

With that being said, here goes.

Recently as I was driving around in Houston, I learned something about myself that changed me. I had come to a busy intersection and was waiting patiently for the light to turn green. Lots of traffic. Lots of people. Lots of activity. A normal, busy day on a Houston street. Then I saw it.

Off to my right were three people. A woman and two men...and boy were they interacting with one another. I could tell immediately that she was a prostitute and the men were...uhm...well they wanted to get to know her a bit better...and she was actively encouraging their attention...on a street corner...in the light of day...in front of a kid's playscape at a fast food place...and in front of the windows of another fast food place. In the daylight! In front of me!

I was outraged! How dare she do that! Didn't she realize how bad that was...how cheap her actions were making her look! And those clothes...OH MY GOODNESS! Come on! REALLY! In front of me and all of these other drivers...and people trying to eat their lunch...and what about the KIDS! I was completely outraged. How dare she!

Then I heard three very quiet words that changed me..."I love her".

As soon as my heart heard those words, all kinds of Bible verses started pouring through my mind and heart. The first one had to do with rocks and being without sin. My heart broke as God's word poured into me. I realized that I was throwing rocks at this woman caught in a relationship. I was a rock thrower. My thoughts, my judgements of her, my words...they were the rocks. Tears started flowing.

As the light turned green and I turned the corner, I asked God this question: How often have I picked up word rocks and stoned someone I have judged? He showed me and my heart broke even more.

God does discipline those He loves. I know He loves me and that the rock throwing revelation had to happen. His word says judge not and that He is the only judge. I had stepped into that position. By thinking hateful thoughts about people, I had allowed myself to become judge, jury, and executioner. I sinned.

Love covers a multitude of our flaws. Sin confessed is covered by Love. His name is Jesus.

I am learning. My heart is very tender in this area. God's lesson will not be soon forgotten by me. I pray differently. I think differently. I love differently. I'm thankful. My hands are empty and my heart is full.

©Terri Milton June 2017

The Voice

Do you ever have those days that you hear that "voice"? You know the one I'm talking about. It says stuff like:

"You're not good enough..."

"You're weak and incapable of succeeding..."

"Why would God want to use you..."

"If they only knew, they would reject you right away!"

"You are a failure..."

If you haven't, then great. Stop reading now because this isn't for you. It is, however, for me. 

Recently I have been bombarded with negative thoughts. I mean really...it has been extremely hard to hold my head up. 

And then this happened. As I was listening for the umpteenth time to that "voice" tell me why I would fail in ministry because I wasn't good enough...this thought came to mind. Agree. 

So, I did. 

I replied, "you know, you're absolutely right. I'm not good enough. In fact, I'm never going to be good enough. That's why I need Jesus. He is more than good enough for every area of my life. He is more than sufficient to cover all of my sins, all of my insufficiencies, all of the failures not only for today, but for all of my tomorrows too."

Do you know what I heard next?

Absolutely nothing!

When the accuser starts doing his thing, allow Jesus to do His. He is more than enough!

©Terri Milton 2016

Detour!

During a recent weekend, I was confronted with nine detours. Count them! NINE! I would start out going one way and then have to either turn around or make a small change in my plans. I am so glad I usually am running early or I would have been majorly late. 

It wasn't until Monday when I was talking to my husband Doug about how ridiculous the weekend was that this thought hit my mind: "God, are you trying to teach me something? Is there something I need to learn from this?" Do you know what I heard? Nada...zip...absolutely nothing. So I waited. 

On Wednesday, I went to Freedom class at my church. Awesome teaching by Pastor Kristen, by the way. Freedom in Parenting. 

While listening to her teach, she said something that answered my earlier question. Your plans may change but God's promises never do. Let me repeat that and add a word. Your plans may change but God's promises and purpose never changes. 

I cannot count the number of times in my life that my plans...my big plans...have had to be placed aside. Some of life's detours have been sweet and wonderful...meeting and marrying Doug...having my kids...becoming a Grammy. Others have been bittersweet and yet others...I don't want to ever see that path again. 

But through them all...the good and the bad...God remains the same. He tells me that He knows the plans He has for me...that He is faithful to complete the work He started...that He loves me with an everlasting love. He whispers in my ear and gives me strength to soar...provides manna from heaven and water from the rock. He promises that He will never leave me...that He is with me always. And when I have no words...He understands the groans of my heart and sends comfort. 

My plans will change. There will be detours that will take me to new adventures...and at times down hard roads...and there will be a day that my final detour in this life will take me directly to the Throne of the One who sacrificed His life for me...my Jesus. 

God's promises are perfect. His purpose is pure. Someday when I stand before Him, it will be complete. 

Friday's Failure

Sometimes I wake up in the wee hours of the morning with a thought. Sometimes it takes me down bunny trails. Sometimes it provokes a need to write a list. Today, I woke up with a question...one that compelled me to explore it. 

The question isn't hard, but the answer at first may seem heartless. So here it is: What did the Crucifixion look like to all the people who were there on that day? The answer: Failure. 

You see, they didn't know what we know. We know about the resurrection. All they knew was Jesus was dead. They believed He was the Messiah but had no understanding of what that meant. They wanted someone who could save them from their present problems. Instead they were in the midst of more problems. They wanted a conquering King...not a dead man. They were crushed...their faith fled...hope was defeated...questions taunted and chased them. As the stone rolled over the open tomb with a final crash of closing, they knew their door for future dreams was slammed shut. Hmmmm. 

Then a second question came to mind. Is it by accident that Jesus died hours before the Sabbath? The answer: Not a chance. God had it planned perfectly. 

You see, on the Sabbath, Isrealites  had to rest. They couldn't work or cook or even go and visit with family and friends. It was a day of rest...both for God and for all Isrealites. So on this day after His death, Jesus' followers couldn't do anything about His death. They had to wait. The were hurting and hopeless and haunted by dreams that they believed would never be fulfilled. All they could do was replay the previous day's disaster over and over again. They knew what Jesus had said...that on the third day He would rise...but they could only see what they saw...His dead and broken body being lowered from a cross of shame. They rested in their unbelief. 

So what does this all mean to us here and now? How do we apply these questions to our lives? 

I mean really! Haven't you ever had a Friday Failure? You know what I'm talking about. The day you walk into work and get a pink slip. The day your spouse walks out on you. The day you realize that your sweet child is in the midst of sin so deep you know there's no hope. Or how about the day you get news from your doctor telling you the results of the tests you've undergone. And the lists go on. Bills to be paid, empty pantries, foreclosed homes, repossessed vehicles. This is the day your hope flees...faith is crushed...joy is smashed. The day you wonder if life will ever have meaning again. Friday Failures. 

And then you have to wait. You're hungry and hopeless and hurting and honestly believe that there's no way you can get out of this. Maybe, you think, God's promises are for other people but not you. It may be days or weeks or even years. Prayers are prayed but seemingly not answered. Tears and tantrums (I've been there...I've done it), promises and deals. And silence seems to be the answer. 

But don't forget...But God! You see, Sunday morning did come. We know it but too often forget it. Jesus did arise.  He didn't stay dead. He is the Messiah. He is the Promised One. Both two thousand years ago and today.

The truth is not diluted by time, just by our own understanding to be able to apply it to our present circumstances. He still does miracles. He still heals. He loves our kids more than we do. He still is our Provider and yes, our best friend. 

Romans 5:8 gives us a wonderful glimpse of God's plan. It says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in that, while we're yet sinners, Christ died for us." Did you see the one word, the one very active word that should give you a sigh of relief at the very least... Demonstrates. It speaks about the now...your present circumstances. God is active in them with His own plan. One that's already been done...Jesus died for us. If you look a couple of verses above, Romans 5:3-5 speaks to our heart and let's us know we are not alone. God hears us. He knows. Hope is available. The Cross was not failure but purpose. His purpose, perfect and wonderful. 

Jesus, You are wonderful. Your love for us is perfect. Thank you for providing a plan for us, even when we don't realize it's already in place. Let hope be restored in the hopeless. Let hearts be healed in the broken-hearted. Let faith rise in the dark places of fear. Let joy overflow in all areas despite circumstances. Thank you that you still give sight to the blind, even spiritual blindness. Open our eyes to see Your Kingdom around us, to see how You actively demonstrate Your love. We praise You. Amen 

What's in a name!

In a conversation with a young woman today, in the space of about 3 minutes, she referred to herself as klutzy, clumsy, a bull in a china closet (her mom's name for her), and a total klutz. My heart broke. 

As we continued to talk, I listened and prayed quietly. I waited and heard her sweet voice talk about this and that and saw that the way she sees herself is not how God sees her. She talked about her fiancé and getting married in October. She talked about growing up in Houston and about the back pain she deals with on a daily basis. My heart grew for her. 

As she was cutting my hair, an old story came to mind. I asked her if I could tell her a story and she said yes. 

Here's the story. 

Years ago, when our daughter was around 4 years old, we had a nickname for her. It was Miss Messy. You see, every time she ate spaghetti, her absolute favorite food of all, she wore it every where...on her face, in her hair, on her clothes, and all around the area where she sat. The shower and the bath was the only way to get her cleaned up. 

One day while praying for her, I really was laying this out to the Lord. Then it came to me...the name we called her is what she became. That night, I served spaghetti on purpose. Before she took her first bite, I praised her for being a big girl who now could eat like mommy and daddy did. As you can guess, most of the food ended up where it was supposed to be. 

I next realized that I had been also calling her "Miss Messy" in regards to her room. I looked around and found the neatest spot in her room...her elephant collection. I called her in to her room and praised her for being so organized. We never called her Miss Messy again. 

I looked at Krysten and she had tears in her eyes. She said, "thank you. I never realized I was giving myself a name I didn't want. Clumsy Krysten is no longer my name. "

I hope some day I can have the opportunity to share Jesus with her and tell her about her other and very amazing name...Beloved Daughter of God! #GodEncounters #JesusIsHisName

Eggs, Candy and The Word

I remember the first time I met Sandy. She walked into the recreation center with two little girls in tow. She was 25, single and was the mom of two of the sweetest little ones.

She volunteered to help with the kids club and assist the smaller children with their art work and crafts. As I told stories from the Bible to the kids, she would sit in the back of the group and soak up every word. She often would hang around after wards and ask me questions about the story - she wanted to retell the story to the girls but wanted to understand it better.

As the weeks went by, Sandy never missed a class. She was usually the first one there and would often help me clean up. She always stayed to the very end and asked me questions about the stories that I told.

Easter was coming up soon and we had planned a special event for the apartment complex. There was going to be an egg hunt and lots of fun and games. There was also going to be a special drawing for a large Easter basket full of goodies and a brand new Bible. The winner's name was going to be pulled from the forms that were filled out by all the participants. Games, food, giggles and lots of fun had parents and children enjoying this special day. Near the end of the event, I gathered everyone around and pulled the name of the family who had won the basket. David's family jumped up and down in excitement when their name was drawn. I looked over at Sandy and saw a disappointed face looking back at me.

As we were cleaning up, I had the chance to ask Sandy what was up. She looked down and simply explained that she had really hoped they would get the basket because she had wanted the Bible. I smiled, asked her to wait a minute, and ran out to my car. I had a box of new Bibles that had been donated. I brought in three, one for each of them.

I handed her the new Bible and she took it very slowly, looked at me in awe and then hugged it to her chest. She grinned from ear to ear and then started crying. She explained that she had never owned a Bible and now she did.

A week later, Sandy accepted Christ as her Savior. We spent the next 6 months meeting one on one and going through book after book of this incredible new journey.

It's been twenty years since I first met Sandy. I pray that the joy she had that day for her new Bible and then a week later when she met Jesus is still fresh and growing today.

2016...A Year of Celebration

Recently I mentioned that 2016 is going to be my "Year of Celebration". In the days and weeks leading up to the end of the year 2015, I had been praying for direction. I really wanted to lay this new year before God and start right. The word "Celebration" kept coming to mind. I can tell you that after repeating it several times, it kinda resonated in me. So I'm keeping it...its mine!

As I declared that 2016 is my Year of Celebration, I realized a couple of things. One, I haven't been really enjoying life these last couple of years. Not anything specific, but a kind of glumness that had settled over me and my moods. Yes, I laughed and participated and showed up...but I really had to make myself do it. This has nothing to do with anyone...it was a mindset...a stronghold inside me. I wanted to enjoy time with friends and family, but couldn't make the connection.  With that revelation comes the second one, and it's a biggie! I've been grieving. 

Grief is one of those emotions that's pretty easy to deny once the tears are no longer flowing. There have been losses in my life and lots of changes. My dad passed away in 2012. That was tough. Then there are some relationships that have deteriorated into oblivion. Then there's life changes of going from an active Mom to an empty nester...this one is 9 years ago and I have been in full denial. There have been changes in career and moves and other loved ones have gone on to heaven...and there you have it...full blown grief. 

Good Grief! I want it to be over already!

But God! It doesn't matter how many times I say that, there's a relief and a sigh that washes through my very soul. Say it... but God!

But God demonstrates every day how very much He loves me. He loves me enough to say, "it's enough!" Joy does come in the morning. There has been pain and sorrow and lots of tears...but God. How very Amazing, beautiful, sweet and loving is my God! He is all of that and so much more. 

I walked into the new year with anticipation of what God is going to do next. I got to the start line, looked to the left and right, and stepped into what I received as His promise...a Year of Celebration. With a full heart, He then revealed what I just wrote above. In faith, I took hold of His promise. In love, He took my burden. 

He is Amazing! That's my God!

The Have to Life

In the past couple of years, the words "I have to..." seem to be coming out of my mouth more often than not. They usually precede a long list of very important activities... or so I would like to think.

I have to...

     Go to the store...

     Clean the house...

     Go to work...

     Get my nails done...

     Get my haircut...

     Write in my Blog...

     Walk the dog...

     Spend quality time with...

...and the list goes on and on.

The hustle and bustle of an active life are actually quite exhausting when I really evaluate what I deem as important. I mean, after all, the "have to's" speak of a life of significance and of being needed. Without the "have to's", ordinary is not extraordinary. Oh my!

Then I stop and listen...and remember.

"Be still and listen", echoes in my busy mind. "Follow me", resonates in my heart. "You are chosen and loved", pierces through to the very core of who I am.

The truth is that there are many things that do crowd in and around my life. Some are mundane chores that have to be done. Others are activities that, on occasion, do add to the richness of my life. My choice and responsibility is to make sure that the level of importance, the significance I give each task, is appropriate. 

There is one thing I choose each day, yes even at times, each moment, that is above all things...even above my relationship with my husband and children. It's my relationship with Jesus. He is never a "have to" or "I need to". He is always first and never an item on my check-off list of things to accomplish each day. I can't  schedule my breaths or heartbeats. He is my breath and heartbeat. 

As for the "have to's", I am learning to relegate them to their proper place and will not be proof of a life of significance...I have that through Christ.

Gifts Parable

There was once a young boy, Tom, who was part of a marvelous family of craftsman. His father, was the best carpenter in the whole town and could build anything. His mother was a brilliant designer and created wonderful drawings of fabulous buildings and furniture that his dad would then build. His sister was a painter who could do the most magnificent murals ever seen. His brother was the best glass blower and created works of art that became a rainbow of colors when the sun would shine through them. Tom, however, could do none of that. His job was to cleanup each job site and organize his families tools.

Above all, Tom wanted to build and draw and paint and create wonderful glass pieces. His father tried to teach him how to build, but Tom ended up hitting his dad on the head with the wood he was trying to saw. His mother tried to teach him how to draw, but Tom tore holes in the paper and broke the lead in her pencils. His sister tried to teach him to paint, but he couldn't see the colors and he spilled her paints. His brother tried to teach him how to create glass art, but the result was a floor full of broken glass. Tom felt like a failure next to his very talented family. Dejected, he went inside.

He crawled into his bed and decide to stay there with the covers over his head. "They don't need me," he thought to himself, "I'm going to stay here and hide." And so he did.

The day hurried by. He waited to see if anyone would come find him. No one did. He peeked out from his covers and listened, but heard nothing. 

   No saws or hammers.

   No scratching of pencil on paper.

    No splashes of paint or swishes of brushes.

    No hissing of fires or rushes of air in bellows.

He heard nothing. Out of curiosity he climbed out of bed and hurried outside. In the yard was his family. 

   His dad held a cold pack to his head.

   His mom had bandages on her fingers and was tending to his sister.

   His sister was covered from head to foot with paint.

   His brother was covered in soot and ash and had singe marks on his clothing.

He ran to them and asked what happened. His dad looked at him with sadness in his eyes and said, "Son, we need you. We do the things we do because you make it possible. Only you are able to stack my wood perfectly. You keep your mother's pencils perfectly sharpened. You know exactly how much pigment is needed to mix the perfect bucket of paint for your sister. Only you can stoke the fires till they are hot enough for your brothers furnace. We can do those things, but not the way you can."

The son listened and then understood. Each of his family had a wonderful talent. His talent was being able to see what needs to be done and then doing it. He might not ever build or draw or paint or blow glass, but he could organize and help and encourage. He breathed in deep, looked at his family with new eyes, rolled up his sleeves and got to work.

He was needed. He was talented. He was gifted. But most all, he was loved.

I Corinthians 12:12-31

(C) Terri Milton 2014

Shaken but Standing Firm

The other night I had a dream. In the dream, I was in my childhood home I grew up in Van Horn. However, the furniture and items in the home were things that I have today and items I have never seen before. Every time I would walk into a room, all the furniture would move before I would walk through the door. I had a sense of being unsettled, of being disturbed by all of the change. I also noticed that as the changes increased in speed, I began to fear.

I can honestly say that the first thing through my mind in my dream was, "Oh No! Demonic activity!" So I did what any Jesus believing, Holy Spirit filled woman would do, I started calling on the name of Jesus. Although things slowed down, they did not stop.

As I stood in the middle of the room and watched in dismay as everything around me changed...things from my past, from my present, and what I knew were things from my future all I could think was, God, make it stop!"

Then the floor started shaking.

I'm not talking about a little rumble that you can feel a little bit. I am talking about a shaking that had me swaying and tilting as my world around me shook.

Then it hit me.

In the midst of the shaking, in the midst of my dream, I raised my hands and started praising God. I said, "God, you are my God and I will ever yet praise You. Even though the very foundations of my world are shaking, I praise You and You alone. You are my joy, my salvation, the strength of my heart. In You alone I trust in all things. I love You and I praise you for my past, my present and for my future. I Love You!"

I woke up then and started praying about what God showed me.

Too often we blame the things that happen in our life on the enemy. So many times, the things happening are due to choices we have made. Other times, to situations around us that are beyond our control. And sometimes, we just don't know why.

No matter what I am going through, I am to praise God. He didn't just create me to praise Him when times are good but to also praise Him when my heart is breaking. I don't have to understand a situation to praise Him, but to praise Him before understanding comes, before healing happens, before an answer arrives. We all were created to fellowship with Him and praise Him.

I'm getting my praise on!! How about you??

Father, thank you for the times in my life that inpel me to look at You. The world around me may be in chaos, but in You is perfect peace. Thank You for always being present, in good times and in bad. For loving me when I praise You and when I am looking at the world around me and lose sight of You. Thank You for always being there, a constant source of peace, of strength, the source of my joy! To You I give praise! Amen

Terri

Tomorrow is His Too!

There is a verse that God has been whispering to me. Hebrews 13 chapter 8 says; Jesus the Anointed One is always the same: yesterday, today, and forever.

I can look back and see His hand all over my life. I acknowledge that He has brought me through some hard times of testing. He has healed me and loved ones. He has provided financially at times when we literally did not know how we would make it to the next pay check. He gave me a husband that I absolutely adore and puts up with me. He has even protected and directed Doug and I as we raised three kids from infancy, through teenage angst, and into adulthood with lives of their own. So God of "Yesterday" is well known.

I acknowledge that "Today", He has given me breath to breathe and eyes to see. I woke up with a song on my lips and a joy in my heart. Friends surround me in a rich tapestry of influence and laughter. The God of 'Today' is well known and enjoyed as each step I take I bless Him.

It's the forever I sometimes, maybe more than sometimes, struggle with. I am a planner, and as a planner I am having to learn to let go of my future and let God have it. There is much victory in my life right now in regards to this. What a relief to learn how NOT to say, "What if..."!

God of 'Tomorrow' is good. I mean really good. I am so glad that He IS the same, yesterday, today, and forever.

The Fifth Day

There are five days that I can remember in my life with absolute clarity: My wedding day, the births of my three children, and the day I said 'YES' to Jesus. All five days changed my life forever.

Someone questioned me one day and asked why saying yes to Jesus was a life changer. The answer is pretty easy - before Jesus, I had a life defined by emotions and positions that eventually will end. After Jesus, I have a life with purpose that stretches into eternity.

Growing up, we went to church. My Mom and my Paternal Grandmother made sure of that; however, my view of God was of someone who looked down on me, who was distant and way too important to approach by myself. I was taught that I had to be very careful because God could get angry with me very easily for anything I did that was not good. Honestly, as a kid I was scared to death of him. But, I also wanted to serve Him and please Him.

As a young adult, I decided to just not acknowledge that He was there. I stopped going to church, I read the Bible through so I could argue with the Bible thumpers in my life, and I looked around to find something else to help explain the "whys" of life. I thought I had God figured out pretty good, and intellectually could define who he was and wasn't. I was miserable.

In 1984 while I was in college, my Mom and Dad split up. Honestly, I was surprised their marriage had lasted as long as it did. My Dad was not a very nice man. He was an alcoholic who was not faithful and was a very mean and angry man. My Mom went her way and Dad followed me home. Several months after living with me, he got a job, moved out, and got his own place. He also found a girlfriend I thought was a religious fanatic.

In 1985 I met and fell in love with Doug. We met in September and were married three months later. Two babies showed up within two years. I was truly happy, but still had this heart in me that was searching for something more... a something I knew had to be out there.

In November of 1988, five months after our daughter was born, my Dad showed up to hang out at our house for the weekend. The first thing I noticed was that he wasn't smoking (he was a two packer a day before). The second thing was that he seemed to be at peace with himself...he was different. One night as I was getting ready to go to bed, he asked if I would stay up and talk a little while. As he talked, he spoke about the change in him...about Who had made a difference in his life. He opened his Bible, we read some passages together that for the first time I could understand, and He told me about Jesus - that Jesus loved me and how He had come to earth as a baby, grew up and lived a perfect life before God, and then was crucified and died so that I did not have to be separated from God because of my sin. I realized at that moment all the things that I had done wrong, asked Jesus for forgiveness, and prayed a simple prayer that went something like this;

Jesus, I know I am a sinner and am so sorry. I believe that you came to earth and that you died for me. I believe that you did not stay dead and that you will come again. Please be the Lord of my life, be the ruler of my heart and all that is within me. Amen

That prayer started an adventure of a lifetime. The something more that was missing had been found.

Everything in my life is not perfect, I am still a sinner who has to minute by minute choose to do what I know is right. Daily I acknowledge how much I need Jesus to direct my steps and to give me strength for the day, to give me wisdom as I am faced with decisions.

Choosing Jesus is not a difficult thing - it's as easy as ABC:

• Acknowledge that you are a sinner, that you make wrong choices that hurt you and others. Sin defined is simply missing the mark - just not doing the right thing either by what we do or what we don't do. There are no big sins or little sins. It all is just sin.
• Believe that Jesus was born, that he was crucified on a cross, and that on the third day he rose again and that he is still alive. He died and took our punishment for our sins. Without that one selfless act, we would not have access to God. Without him, when we face death, it is a permanent separation from God that leads to an eternity of torment. With him, we walk into eternity with Joy.
• Confess Him as Lord of your life. People know about Jesus and have heard the Christmas story of the baby Jesus who was born in a manager. They know the story about His crucifixion and death and how three days later the tomb he was buried in was empty. To know those things is not enough. You must bow your head and call him "Lord".

This is my story. The things that happened are true. I am a work in progress.

Terri

Lesson From Polly

During my quiet time today I really felt convicted on something.  I have a tendency to go back to things and dwell in places in my past that are painful. As I reflected on God's word, I knew that I needed to really ask God to show me what was going on. I truly needed freedom.

He gave me an image of our sweet dog, Polly,  I have pictured here. It's been a year since we had to let her go and be at rest. I still miss her. But it wasn't this that he was showing me, but my feelings that I had when she would lick at a spot on her leg, a hot spot, that would cause her much pain. No matter how much we tried to stop her from licking it, she would go back to it until it was raw and ready to bleed.

I realized from that picture that when I went and dwelled in memories where forgiveness and healing had been applied, it was just like licking a hot spot. Unlike Polly, I do have a choice. I can choose where my thoughts go because I have Someone who will supply me with the strength to keep my mind focused on Him instead of running to old thoughts and ways.

Jesus is ever faithful to love and forgive us and cleanse us from all of the dirt and hot spots that show up in our lives if we turn to Him and ask Him to.

Jesus, thank you for grace, for forgiveness, for strength. Thank you for lovingly reminding me that you are always with me.

He is For Me

It's so easy to think about what I want to say and then never speak. It's also too easy to know what I don't want to say and let it spill out.


Writing a blog is like that. Time and time again I have ideas that are on my mind and heart and somehow, something more important pops up and I forget. Much has happened since the last time I posted here. A thousand great ideas that didn't get conveyed, words of wisdom swallowed, and still yet, the world continues on.


I have started a new phase of life. I am quieter, a bit more observant, and not as ready to speak as I used to be. I know that God is doing a new thing in me and I am willing and eager to wait and see what will be the outcome. Prophetically speaking, He is deepening me - stretching me to grow in ways that I have not been yet; a new awareness of not so much His plans for me, but an eye opening view of His heart around me and for me.


I am learning how much God truly does love me and how much I have taken that for granted. 

"He is for me", I hear it whispered in the deepest reaches of my hidden heart.
"Forgiven", spoken in the darkest corners of my very being.
"Chosen", breathed into my very spirit.
"Healed", into this body of mine that daily decays and into my emotions that are bruised and have been abused.

The longing of my heart is to know Him more, to seek His face and intimately know every curve, every pore of who He is. 


Too often I have pursued the promises and have missed chasing the Promiser. 


Turning away from everything else and relinquishing to the very essence of Living Water - my heart does so thirst for You... and for You alone! Make me long for You even more.

His Church or his church?

I met with a friend today and we had a great time of just talking and catching up. It's been 20 years since we last met. I am now a grandmother and she is an awesome young woman. We talked about old friends we knew, places we both had in common, where we've been and what God is doing in our lives.

One of the things we talked about was ministries we have been a part of. Both of us have seen "the ministry" from the good side and we have both seen it from the 'other' side. I shared with her an insight God gave me many years ago. A simple question, really. A very honest question with a deep answer. The question? Is this God's ministry or is it the leaders?

I have been in places where the presence of God and His fingerprints were in every nook and cranny. I am a part of that type of ministry right now and am thankful that I am here. I have also been in places where the foundation is led more by personality than by presence. If I am really truthful, I have led ministries by my personality, and I have also been a part of God placed leadership led by Him.

So, relationship or religion? Spirit led or man controlled? God breathed or feelings inspired? Redeemed or faking it till you make it? Interesting questions. One real answer.

Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Psalm 127:1a 






Terri

2012 - Looking Forward

As 2011 draws to a close, I am looking forward to 2012 and what it will bring. I have to admit, this past year has been both horrible and awesome. And even when I consider the stuff which broke my heart, I know I was never alone and that God was teaching me through each thing. I can think of one thing that occurred in 2011 that closed a very hurtful chapter of my life and helped me to look forward.

So, what are some of the things that I have learned? I have learned not to depend upon the roles in life I have and to depend on God. I have learned that even the most hurtful events will become just a distant memory if you will let them. I have learned that being an empty nester is both wonderful and sad.

I don't like doing resolutions (I chuckled here). I do, by my very personality, love goals. Here are some of my goals for 2012:

• Grow more as a person who loves God - or actually grow less that He might be more in my life by daily seeking Him.
• Drink more water every day and less diet cokes (this is really tough for me!!)
• Log 52 weeks of photos with Project 52 FB Group.
• Get to see at least 4 old friends who are on my FB list that I have not seen in a long time.
• Go on a real vacation that is just Doug and I (note: we have had real vacations, just never the 2 of us)
• Lose 50lbs of weight - my life depends on it.
• Get more involved in my church by teaching or whatever is needed.
• Once a month, pack at least 20 peanut butter/jelly bags to give the homeless in our city.
• Get my CDL.
• Finish my craft room.
• Plan out 12 crafts for 2012 and finish each of them in the month I started them.
• Start and finish the remodel of my living room..
• End 2012 with not being mad at anyone.

So there you have it. It's my list and I know I will probably add to it. Today, it's more than enough!

Happy New Year!

Terri

26 Years and Counting

I posted this today on my Facebook page and so decided to post it here too. Today marks our 26th wedding anniversary. I would love to say that we have had a perfect life so far, but the truth is we have had struggles. Those very struggles that at times would seem to almost destroy us have actually made us stronger.




Here are somethings Doug and I have discovered together through the years:

1. Everything he owns is mine and likewise, everything I own is his...even the money we earn.
2. Every fight is not a battle - we are not the enemy of one another.
3. Slow down and listen - even when the world around you is screaming...stop and listen to what he/she is saying.
4. Divorce is a word in the dictionary. It's not an option for later.
5. It's okay to get mad - just don't live there.
6. Never say anything bad about your spouse to anyone. Period!
7. Pray every day for each other and with one another. Then pray some more.
8. Dream together - it's our bucket list.
9. Give and take and give some more. Serve from a heart of love not from one that expects what you deserve.
10. Know Jesus. Without Him actively in your marriage all of the above means absolutely nothing!

 We don't have all the answers - we don't even know all the questions. We do, however, know The One who does know all. It is He who provides the 3rd strand for our marriage and is the strength of our very being.


May God bless you and give you a long, God centered marriage. He is definitely working in ours.

David and Rosalie Milton (58 years) & Terri and Doug Milton (26 years)

Neighbors

This is not about the empty house next  door or the one across the street. It's not about the guy next door who we never see or even the older gentleman down the street who is always looking around and is willing to help at a moments notice. The neighbors I am talking about are the ones, both friend and foe, who are in an all out battle for our very lives.


Ephesians 6:11-13 tells us that our struggles are not against flesh and blood but instead  against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  God also gives us help from the heavenly realms. In 2 Kings 6:17 we read, 'And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. ' We are told to put on our full armor, to fight the good fight, that we have all power through Jesus Christ.

All this to say this: with my feet firmly walking this ground below me, yet I will seek to see the unseen in the conflicts and the blessings in my life. Just as Elisha prayed, my prayer is, "open my eyes that I may see."

We do live in a world with lots of neighbors. We are in a battle that is being waged against us and our loved ones, and even against those who we do not call friend. We already know how the war ends and that Jesus is the victor. Let us now walk in victory, walking boldly with the authority given to us as followers of Jesus.

Walk forward!

"DO WHAT?"

I sent a text to a friend the other day and wrote, "Love you for who you are!"

After I pushed the send button, this thought came to me, "Why did I say 'who you are'?" I realized at that moment that I truly do love this friend in Christ like a brother because his heart is so good. He does not have to "DO" anything for me to love him more.

The next thought in my head was about a conversation I had just recently had with a friend over coffee. She said, "I loved you from the first moment we met." I told her thank you, but in my mind really could not understand why she loved me in that way because I had done nothing for her yet.

Then it dawned on me. I had set up a double standard in my life. I freely loved those around me but was afraid to receive love because of what it would cost me in "Do" time - afraid that the "I love you" was connected to an "I want" statement. Too often, I would hold friends at arms length because of fear of not being able to "do" what they expected of me but had not spoken...YET.

This goes even deeper, however. I found myself at times 'hiding' from God, from fully receiving his love, from being afraid that I could not measure up to the 'DO' he wanted from me. I know what the word says - what I believed was different.

I am so glad for freedom!

Revelation is freeing. I know without a doubt that I am wonderfully loved by God. I know now that I can be loved by friends and fully receive their love with 'no strings attached'. I know now that old grudges that I was hanging on to because someone did not 'appreciate' something I did for them can be left at the Cross - fully forgiven and let go.

2 Corinthians 3:17 (NIV)  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 

Father, thank you for forgiving me of pride that wanted to enslave me to unrealistic expectations of myself and those around me you have set into my life. Thank you that your love freely flows through and around my life, unencumbered by a mind that set up traps to capture what you so freely gave. Thank you for friends who  love me despite my sometimes prickly nature. Thank you for my husband you gave to me 26 years ago, who loves me every moment and blesses me. My heart overflows and joy abounds. Blessing, Honor and Glory to the ONE who gave it all, thank you Jesus. Amen.

Honest Conversations

I was driving down the road today praying and just having a wonderful time talking to God. I was doing all the talking and not a lot of listening. Then He spoke. Today was one of those days that He really made me squirm.

Here's how the conversation kinda went from my side:

"Father, I'm really struggling right now. I want to be closer to you and there's just something in the way"

"Ohhhh, you mean that unforgiveness...but I have forgiven him, even if he doesn't deserve it"

"I know, I really do want to forgive him, but I start praying and I get mad all over again...I just get worked up and then I move on."

"What do you mean by 'why do you want to get even?' "

"I know that he is human and therefore not without fault and that I am just the same way. But God..."

"Lord, I do love you and I do want to be obedient. I know that you love him and that you love me. I know that he is as much your son as I am your daughter. Forgive me for holding on to and even cherishing unforgiveness in my heart towards my brother in Christ. I forgive him...no strings attached...help me love him in the way you do."

"Send him a Christmas Card?? Tell him I love him! Okay, I will as soon as I get home."

"I love you too! Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for correcting me and setting me on the right path."

I continued my drive, eyes a bit misty, backside a bit sore, heart a lot lighter. And yes, a Christmas Card has been done and is addressed and ready to go.